the passing of my aunt... and the journey in death begins

my aunt, my father's youngest sister passed away just over a week ago, on Friday night, November 12.  she was the youngest in a family of 10, the only one that was still alive apart from my father. this is not taking into account another aunt who is the youngest, except that this aunt is their half sister.  anyhow, mak yam as we call her (her actual name is mariam) was already suffering from many ailments including diabetes, hypertension and the worse of all that made her suffer through her last days was her kidney problem.  she was close to my dad, called him a lot to talk to him whenever she felt that the going was getting too tough to handle. according to one of my brothers, everytime he took my dad to visit arwah mak yam, she would be telling him of how much pain she had to go through and then my dad would hold her, kiss her cheeks and her forehead, and she would be crying in his arms just like a little girl. it saddened me when my brother told me that. it was just the two of them left in the world, and my dad doted on her whenever he could and tried to make her feel better through all the pain she felt. and now, my dad is left alone. the only person left in a sibling of ten, the one who had to go through seeing the death of all his loved ones, the one who had to grief and mourn his sisters and brothers who passed before him, the one who is left to feel the loneliness, and to feel like an orphan who has no one else except for his own family.  it was sad to see my dad. at 83, he is so fragile now. my heartstrings were a mess when he knelt for the last time infront of her lifeless body, bend down and kissed her, on her cheeks and then on her forehead, just the way he did whenever he saw her before her passing, those times when she was that "litte girl" finding comfort in her brother's arms. i looked at him then and my tears fell freely, feeling so sad for him, knowing that no one can imagine the pain he must have felt to see his little sister lying cold infront of him. outside, while the womenfolk took care of the body, bathing her with care to prepare her for prayers and burial, i sat with my dad. he turned to me and said he didnt want to think so much. because if he did, he would cry. then he repeated what he said but halfway through, he broke down and cried, and sobbed. my father, my dearest dearest father, whom i love so much was going through all that pain of seeing the only one of his sibling, his little sister die and i could not do anything to take that pain away but just to console him by hugging him. i felt for him, for his pain and i know, he knew it was better for her to go for it was getting too painful for her to live. i thought about arwah mak yam then, that when i saw her last, she opened her eyes, not fully though, and i had then wondered if she was fully aware of herself and where she was. she then had these jerking movements and i remembered panicking slightly, wondering if she was in pain, and then remembering what i had read and heard about how when the angel of death come for you, and start to pull out your soul slowly from the top of your head, that you will be in pain. that u could be jerking slightly and maybe even continously due to the pain.  i wondered then if that was what was happening to her when everyone else exclaimed how maybe she was better because her heartbeat was getting better and she was breathing on her own, because earlier in the afternoon, she had crashed and they lost her for a few seconds, and the doctor had to resuscitate her and brought her back and hooked her to the machine to keep her breathing. so that evening when she opened her eyes and started moving while i was there, everyone was feeling a little relief and commenting on how she must be better. when i in a corner watching her, wondered if she was already so very close to death. or maybe others had wondered too, maybe they too just didnt say it out loud, or maybe it was to console themselves...
i was in a way relief to hear later that night, that mak yam had passed on, because i didnt want her to suffer and the fact that she was taken pretty quickly hopefully could only mean that she was one of those good souls. i pray that she is blessed by Allah swt and that her next journey will be an easy one. i thought about that journey and i wondered what happen to all of us in that journey for no one knows anything about it except from the sayings of the prophet saw and of course only Allah swt knows best.

The prophet (saw) said, "Live in this world as though you are a stranger or a traveler (passing through it)." [Muslim]
Death is inevitable. It is the one thing that we can be certain about in life. We are born to die. Every soul shall have a taste of death no matter who they are. This is confirmed for us many times in the Quran: "Every soul shall have a taste of death: and only on the Day of Judgement shall you be paid your full recompense." (Quran 3:185)
"Every soul shall have a taste of death: and We test you by evil and by good, by way of trial. To Us must you return." (21:35)
"Every soul shall have a taste of death: In the end to Us shall you be brought back." (29:57)

when we die, our journey of living ends and our journey of death begins:
No one knows where, how and when he or she will die. "Verily, the knowledge of the hour is with Allah (alone). It is He who sends down rain, and He who knows what is in the wombs, nor does anyone know what it is that he will earn on the morrow. Nor does anyone know in what land he is to die. Verily, with Allah is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things.)" (31:34)

the journey in death will  have to be continued later... now it is time for me to do my isya' as it is past ten.  for now, my prayers for my dearest arwah mak yam. may Allah bless u always and give u contentment and peace, and place you amongst the good souls in the afterlife. Al-Fatihah...