the events surrounding the end of time

This Hadith is reported by Ribi, the son of Hirash, via Hudhayfah, a companions of the Prophet, praise and peace be upon him, the reference of Nawawi, "Gardens of Righteousness".

"The anti-Christ will appear among my nation
and will remain for forty."
Abdullah, the son of Amr commented:
'I do not know if it was forty days, forty months or forty years.'
"Then Allah will send Jesus, the son of Mary,
who will pursue and kill him.
After this people will remain for seven years
with no enmity between any two.
Then Allah, the Lord of Honor and Glory,
will send a cool breeze from the direction of Syria
and no one having a single particle of good or belief in their heart will remain
on the face of the earth -- their soul will be taken from them.
Even if any of you happen to be in a mountain cave,
the breeze will reach you and take possession of your soul.
After this time only the worst people will remain
who will be unsettled like birds and cunning like the fox.
They will not know any good,
nor will they refrain from any evil.
Then satan will appear among them disguised as a human
and will ask: 'Will you not obey me?'
Whereupon they will ask: 'What do you command us to do?'
So he will command them to worship idols and
because of this their provision will be plentiful and their life comfortable.
It is at this time that the Trumpet will be blown
and everyone that hears it will turn his neck, raising it towards it.
The first to hear it will be a man repairing his camel's drinking trough --
he will fall unconscious with others around him.
Then, Allah will send rain which will be like dew
and their bodies will grow on account of it.
The trumpet will be blown a second time and people will stand, looking on.
Then it will be said:
'People, come forward to your Lord.'
Then there will be a command:
'Make them stand, they will be called to account!'
Then it will be said:
'Separate from them those to be sent to the Fire.'
It will be asked: 'How many?"
So it will be said: 'Nine-hundred and ninety-nine out of each thousand (for Hell)."
That will be the Day in which children turn to be gray-haired
and the Day when the calamity overtakes the guilty."

may Allah protects us and guides us always...

the road not taken

this poem by robert frost is apt to reflect the journey i am embarking on, as i take on a different road, one that's less traveled, with hopes that it will make all the difference, in good ways insyaAllah...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

and sorry i could not travel both

and be one traveler, long i stood

and looked down one as far as i could

to where it bent in the undergrowth;

                  then took the other, as just as fair,               

and having perhaps the better claim

because it was grassy and wanted wear,

though as for that the passing there

had worn them really about the same,

and both that morning equally lay

in leaves no step had trodden black.

oh, i marked the first for another day!

yet knowing how way leads on to way

i doubted if i should ever come back.

i shall be telling this with a sigh

somewhere ages and ages hence:

two roads diverged in a wood, and i,

i took the one less traveled by,

and that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

adieu

i packed most of my things at my office today. shredded and threw many things, mainly notebooks, documents, print outs of PR related matters, and name cards that i have been holding on to for many years. funny that i kept them for so long when i actually didn't need any of them, have never needed them since a long time ago. most of the business cards i threw have names of people whom i can hardly remember.  i am pretty sure that many of them have probably even left the organisations they were with.  even so, i felt difficult to actually throw some of the things out. notebooks of many years ago, detailing out tasks and assignments of the day, things that needed to be done, priorities listed out, numbers and names of contacts, suppliers, media members, plans for community programmes - all these going as far back as fifteen years ago or more. for a while, and it was quite a long while, it felt like i was throwing a big part of my life away.  the feelings lingered, my throat choking as i held back tears, as i pushed myself to throw the things i never needed all this while but having a hard time parting with. i just threw them into the trash bag, willing myself not to fish them out.  a number of things, i had a second look at, having a hard time to decide, to keep or to throw.  how is it that i never look for them all this while, never had any need of them and yet find difficulty in throwing out? 
i have packed almost all my other things. have to admit some i am still keeping not because i need them but more of the sentimental value i have of those things, mainly scraps of papers, little gifts, poems i wrote many years ago related to people i love, have loved and lost along the way. some, no matter how close to my heart they are, i pulled all my strength to part with, shredded them into a million pieces... for a while, it was shredding a part of my life, my soul...
as i walked from the office kitchen to the front, i looked around and remembered when we had first moved in. how we had painted the walls, a number of us, deciding on the colours, each one having their own part of the walls to paint. we were loud and happy, and had looked forward to many good years then. but things changed, the years never got easy, we had our ups and downs, still a lot of laughs, many disappointments and frustrations, we still had hopes and many people came and went. 
i remember so many things. i can close my eyes and see those years of vanessa and i, and many of the girls and guys that have worked with us, each leaving their mark, each giving us some happiness, some disappointments, some new things to learn with and about. life will never be quite the same again. 
as i drove home this afternoon, i felt this emptiness in my heart that i could not quite grasp.  i know i am doing the right thing as i move forward with my life, i know i am doing what is required for my future and perhaps it won't feel as bad as time passes. but right now, my throat still chokes up a tear, my heart still aches with emptiness and my soul still whimpers like a little child...

life... as of now

after two weeks of purchasing the mass media research book by wimmer and dominick, as recommended by the dean of the communication and media studies faculty of UiTM (where i am about to register with hopefully very soon in order to do my masters), i realised that i have pretty much overestimated myself in completing it in two weeks.  i am on the verge of starting on my research proposal and i refused to do it without completing the book.  there are 16 chapters altogether and i am already on chapter 11.  the head of research programme has called me to tell me that i am eligible to pursue my masters there and we have fixed a date for an interview which is a required formality.  hopefully come april, i will be registered as a full time masters student with UiTM and have by then gotten halfway through my research proposal and somewhere close to submitting it to the faculty to have it approved.  two weeks ago, i had high hopes i would finish the book in two weeks given my days still spent at the office on half days, and with the kids having their first term school exams. but right after the exams, i failed to foresee that the trip i was making this school holiday was bound to take me away from doing any reading, or at least i must have been in a denial, to convince myself i could actually read while at nazrie's place. the boys and i together with my niece feeza and nephew fahim made the trip to setiawan, perak.  and with that, i pretty much lost three days where i did not do any reading. brought my book there but i did not even get past 2 pages as much as i tried when we were out on the beach, and i told myself "what the heck, just enjoy my holiday", and of course the 2 days spent traveling saw me not even trying... 

so here i am, planning to at least complete my chapter 11 tonight and move on as quickly as possible to finish the book by wednesday, the day i am attending the interview for the masters programme. i really hope i am done by then...
at the same time, there is a book waiting for me in the wings, the latest book by marian keyes - "the brightest star in the sky".  i have been looking for this book since late last year but to no avail. and i did not have the time to look for it when i went to barnes and nobles close to union square, NYC because adam had been in a hurry.  anyway over a week ago, i had a pleasant surprise when vanessa got me the book. i was ecstatic and elated with joy. been wanting so much to get my hands on it and finally thanks so much to vanessa, i finally have it sitting on my book shelf.  most unfortunately though, i have not started on it as i simply do not have any time.  whatever time i have now is to read this research book and as long as i am not done with it, i cannot read the book i have so been wanting to, darn...
anyhow,
i am in a hurry to complete the book on mass media research book
i am eager to start on my research proposal
i am even more eager to read my marian keyes latest book
i look forward to my interview this wednesday
i pretty much had a good time traveling with the boys and feeza, and had a wonderful time at nazrie's place with his wife zu and their lovely kids. zu and i even had some time to treat ourselves to some foot reflexology, hehe...
i am so not looking forward to running around like a chicken come monday when school reopens and there are tuition, kumon, homeworks and revision to deal with

on a different note
if i haven't mentioned it, adam is now the head chief of students for his surgical group. it means extra work and longer hours for him which makes me sigh when i think of it as i know how tough it is for him. but on the other hand, i am extremely proud of him.  even thinking of it makes me smile...

adam

here is the deepest secret nobody knows...

i carry your heart
i carry it in my heart.

 

tiada layak ku ke syurga Mu

Selalu ku sesali dosa

dan selalu ku ulang kembali

Dan Kau masih memberi kebahagiaan

Ku bukan hamba pilihan.

doa

Tuhanku

dalam termangu

ku sebut namaMu

biar susah sungguh

mengingati Kau

penuh seluruh

Tuhanku

cahayaMu

panas suci

bagai kerdip lilin

di kelam sunyi

Tuhanku

aku hilang bentuk

kembara di negeri asing

Tuhanku

pintuMu ku ketuk

aku tak bisa berpaling...

Chairil Anwar/ Zubir Ali

carrying God

No one can keep us from carrying God

Wherever we go.

No one can rob His Name

From our heart as we try to relinquish our fears

And at last stand -- Victorious.

We do not have to leave him in the mosque

Or church alone at night;

We do not have to be jealous of tales of saints

Or glorious masts, those intoxicated souls

Who can make outrageous love with the Friend.

We do not have to be envious of our spirits’ ability

Which can sometimes touch God in a dream.

Our yearning eyes, our warm-needing bodies,

Can all be drenched in contentment

And Light.

No one anywhere can keep us

From carrying the Beloved wherever we go.

No one can rob His precious Name

From the rhythm of my heart --

Steps and breath.

- Hafiz -

from The Subject Tonight is Love, translated by Daniel Ladinsky

wishes for my beloved father

Bak turns 84 today! 

good looking bak
at 18 years of age

quoting my facebook status today which was specially dedicated to my dearest father: 

he is one of the best looking man i have ever met, with the kindest heart and soul to match. i do not say all that bcos i am his daughter, but bcos i know that if u know him the way i do, u would also say the same thing about my father who turns 84 years old today... happy birthday bak. i love u every day, minute and second of my life ♥ ♥ ♥

my dearest bak
with my thaqif in the middle

 
i am always bak's little girl at heart and it is difficult to ever imagine life without him, neither do i want to at this point. whatever time that i may have left with him is something i cherish and wish to make the most of.  i love him with all my heart and on this special day, i wish for nothing else but for Allah to bless  bak with good health and happiness always...