a leap of faith

"do not see the wall; leap over your problems"
i came across that quote in an article and it reminded me of my adam. as i am writing this right now, he is starting his hospital rotation at wyckoff hospital in brooklyn, new york.  his first rotation and ironically it is in OBGYN, the specialisation that he had hoped would be among the last of all his rotations.  regardless, this is a welcome development in his relentless pursuit to become a medical doctor.  after having been a doctor of chiropractic for years, adam turned to medicine due to a back injury and a surgery that has taken its toll on him over the years; a back problem that would someday stand in his way of continuing on as a chiropractor.  and when he decided to go back to school and pursue medicine, little did he know that he was going to face so many stumbling blocks and challenges that not many people could overcome.
the latest challenge of his was his inability to get a study loan to finance what is his final stage of studies before earning an MD and doing his residency.  he has 60 weeks of rotation to do and a whole lot of tuition fee is needed for this part of his studies, and the inability to get a loan due to cuts for study loans in the US has threatened to affect the continuation of this one last stage and our relationship. he managed to get help from his family and has to finance part of the fee himself.  this latest turn in events means that he might have to extend his rotation period from 60 weeks to more, if he needs to take a few months leave in between semesters in order to work and raise money for the next semester. and this would also mean that our initial plans of marriage etc would have to be postponed to a date that we are unable to determine at this point. i was of course heartbroken, by so many things - the challenge he had to face, his insistence on continuing and not returning to chiropractic, the change in our plans to settle down.  for a moment or many moments that is, i could not see any other way. to me, he was running into a wall, and i was losing hope on us, of making it, of having a future together. i was losing hope on him, not on him being a doctor but in being one with me in his life.  probably it was the distance that made me lose hope, the inability to console each other. fights and arguments followed. silence ensued. and that many days of silence made me think that i just have to have faith in adam to make it through, to take things as it comes and to leave our fate to Allah swt and hope for the best. for a few nights, i made istikharah prayer. i taught adam to recite the doa' for three nights in a row and told him to follow what he feel strongly for.  and he decided to continue on and would face and overcome the challenges as he goes along.  at the end of the day, he is going to achieve his dreams and will be a doctor. and all he wanted if i could, he said was to have faith in him and to wait for a little while more...
so now there he is, on his first day of rotation and i am so proud of him. he might not think that i do after all that protests, of wanting him to stop, of no longer wanting any heartbreaks for him and us, but i am really proud of him. we have a whole lot of challenges ahead of us. still many many months and time apart, and lesser contact now that he will be busy at the hospital. i mentioned to my best friend vanessa, and also to my niece fairuza, that this could either strengthen us or break us.  in my heart, i hope for nothing else but that it will strengthen us further. if adam could not see a wall, maybe it is about time i don't see a wall too...