Do you usually enter Ramadan with high aspirations and promises to yourself that in time you find you cannot keep? Well, I do and half of time, I fail to do what I set out to do, failed to complete the Quran last Ramadan, failed to wake up in the middle of every night for tahajjud (late night prayers), failed to increase my ibadaat to Allah, failed in not wasting my time in unproductive chats and behaviour. This year, I am reminding myself to be more realistic. I no longer go to the office, so chances of getting myself slipped into unproductive chats and doing unproductive things might lessen considerably, but I do now spend more time on social network due to my research work. So I am telling myself to lessen my postings of news and articles that may drag me into labelling, judging and even gossiping about others. I tell myself to listen to the readings of various surahs of the Quran when I am online, and also when I am stuck in that time of the month when I am unable to fast and solat, so that I can insyaAllah feed and purify my soul. I tell myself to make du'a for others and to not wallow in what others may say about me, in the negatives that is. I tell myself to push the thoughts of "gossiping' about others eventhough I am actually just having the gossip between me and my mind. I am yet to know if I may succeed, and only time will tell. InsyaAllah everything is how it should be at this point, and could be better. Then again, it is only the first week of Ramadan and currently the second day of the second week, so there is still sometime to go. I hope that even if I slip after this, I will not lose hope, get up, and keep on going as best as I could.
There is after all so much to derive from this month. Ramadan is a month of mercy and we are told that this is the month when the gate of heavens are opened and the gates of hells are closed and losing one's opportunity in making as much ibadaah and duas would be such a big loss, one that we cannot even begin to imagine. And I know I have lost too many, and fully aware that I may not have as many opportunities in the future. With each day and year and each minute, the chance of redeeming myself, of increasing my ibadaah and catching this best time in the year is lessening. Therefore I am striving ahead, and as my sister reminded me last night at my parents' house after iftar, I should be charging ahead in the last ten days of Ramadan rather than slowing down because that is where the treasure lies, in that very last ten days. So someone, please remind me to prepare for Eid, and bake my cookies way before that last ten days, eventhough there is always a big chance of my cookies making a disappearing act by the time it is Eid if I start baking early ;P
Anyway let me share with you this reminder that struck me at my very core. This is a quote taken from sister Yasmin Mogahed's page,
"Don't let this Ramadan be just a holiday of rituals. Don't finish reading the Quran without it transforming you. Don't feed your body at suhoor, but starve your heart of Qiyam. Don't reduce this downpour of mercy to just a month of sweets and lavish iftars. Seek Him, you will find. Take a sincere step towards change, transformation, redemption. If you do, you will find Him infront of you. Find Him this month. He's been there all along. Closer than your jugular vein. Look and you'll find. Walk and you'll arrive."
Let's all find Him this Ramadan, insyaAllah.
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