 |
| he answered my call, said it's fine and then... "yes, let's make up". |
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
new york city
how would i describe new york city?
boisterous,
wondrous,
madness,
LOVE...
that's where my love is
and...
that's where i've left my heart.
boisterous,
colourful,
busy,
fun,
exciting,
thrilling,
adventurous,wondrous,
madness,
LOVE...
that's where my love is
and...
that's where i've left my heart.
heartache
no one said long distance relationships are easy but i have persisted... heaviness of heart, a tear choking in my throat, laughters amid tears, and sharp pain in my chest upon waking up in the morning are my constant companion. of late, arguments have threatened to mess everything up, insecureness and feeling of unworthiness rearing their ugly heads. the two last arguments have made me think and reassess myself in the relationship and the reasons behind why i am becoming what i am.
i suppose one of my greatest fault is that in dealing with the fact that adam is so far away from me, i rely and i keep looking for a reaffirmation of love from him. anything to symbolise that he loves me. it is said that "Giving symbols of love can be a way for a person to hook our attention and get what they want from us. We become attracted to that person because we value the symbols they give us." my fault is perhaps that i become so focused on the symbol that i start to feel that without it, he doesnt love me enough or i am not good enough for him or i am unworthy of his love.
do u think that if i call him later to say sorry, to tell him that i miss him already and ask if we could make up, he would take my call, accept my apologies and say yes to making up?
i suppose one of my greatest fault is that in dealing with the fact that adam is so far away from me, i rely and i keep looking for a reaffirmation of love from him. anything to symbolise that he loves me. it is said that "Giving symbols of love can be a way for a person to hook our attention and get what they want from us. We become attracted to that person because we value the symbols they give us." my fault is perhaps that i become so focused on the symbol that i start to feel that without it, he doesnt love me enough or i am not good enough for him or i am unworthy of his love.
do u think that if i call him later to say sorry, to tell him that i miss him already and ask if we could make up, he would take my call, accept my apologies and say yes to making up?
tribulations...
“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Qur’an, 2:286).
image via islamgreatreligion.wordpress.com
Saturday, August 28, 2010
if u forget me
I want you to know
one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
lonely feelings
couples
happy couples
clinging close
hugging tight
dancing fast
being one.
laughing loud
singing high
giggling shrill
showing off.
loving love
living hard
and making
my heart
break
and snap
and
die
as i watch them
from this spot
where i
still stand
alone...
happy couples
clinging close
hugging tight
dancing fast
being one.
laughing loud
singing high
giggling shrill
showing off.
loving love
living hard
and making
my heart
break
and snap
and
die
as i watch them
from this spot
where i
still stand
alone...
where do i start...from where i left off
been a long time since i last posted. it was last year after my trip to the US. lots of things have happened since. good things, not so great things but life moves on, as it is expected to be. been wanting to write again for ages but didnt have the time, or should i say never actually find the time to sit and write down my thots. i hope to do so now, find the time in the 24 hours of my daily life.
since the last time i wrote, i have laughed so much it hurts; i have cried so much, i sometimes wondered where my tears come from; i have loved so much, it is amazing i have more to give and share; my boys have grown up, i wondered when they did; my adam has made the much anticipated visit to meet my parents to ask for my hands, and converted to Islam; we have gotten engaged, yes he is now formally my fiance; i have made the much anticipated visit to meet his family in saigon and met his american brother who flew down for their nephew's wedding; the staff at my office have come and gone, my only brother-in-law sadly passed away leaving my much beloved sister a widow at the age of 53, gosh so much have happened after a year, i dont even know where to start.
i am also a trying to be a better person spiritually, a better daughter, a better sister, a better mother, a better employer, a better friend and now adding to that list, a better fiancee.
perhaps more later...
since the last time i wrote, i have laughed so much it hurts; i have cried so much, i sometimes wondered where my tears come from; i have loved so much, it is amazing i have more to give and share; my boys have grown up, i wondered when they did; my adam has made the much anticipated visit to meet my parents to ask for my hands, and converted to Islam; we have gotten engaged, yes he is now formally my fiance; i have made the much anticipated visit to meet his family in saigon and met his american brother who flew down for their nephew's wedding; the staff at my office have come and gone, my only brother-in-law sadly passed away leaving my much beloved sister a widow at the age of 53, gosh so much have happened after a year, i dont even know where to start.
i am also a trying to be a better person spiritually, a better daughter, a better sister, a better mother, a better employer, a better friend and now adding to that list, a better fiancee.
perhaps more later...
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