the significant events on 10 Muharram

Today 10 Muharram is the day of Ashura when many significant events happened on this date.

Amongst them:

• The skies, oceans, heavens and earth came into existence
• Prophet Adam and Hawa were created
• Prophet Adam's taubat accepted by Allah swt
• Prophet Isa (Jesus) raised to the skies
• Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) received the status of Khaleelullah
• Prophet Yacob (Jacob) met Prophet Yusuf (Joseph) after 40 years
• Prophet Noh's (Noah) ark came on land
• Prophet Sulaiman (Solomon) received his kingdom
• Prophet Ayub regained his health
• Prophet Musa (Moses) rescued his people and Allah swt drowned the Pharaoh at Red Sea
• Prophet Muhammad's (pbuh) grandson, Hussein bin Ali (ra) was martyred in Karbala

 And it is said that Qiamat will also happen on the 10th of Muharram.

Abu Qataada (ra) has related that the Prophet (pbuh) has reported to have said, "It is my thought that by fasting on the 10th of Muharram Allah Ta'aalaa will pardon the sins of the past year." (Tirmizi). Shaykhain Tirmizi & Haakim has narrated from Anas (ra) the following verse: "Allah may forgive thee of thy sins that which is past and that which is to come." (Al-Fath)

The Jews are said to fast on the 10th Muharram due to Prophet Musa's victory over the Pharaoh, therefore our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) asked the Muslims to fast on this day, and a day extra either before or after, to differentiate the Muslims from the Jews.  

precious pearls of memories

happy birthday to my dearest "thaqif in the middle", born at 1.01pm on a drizzling afternoon on december 6, 1999 - for every recollection i have of u, i have a thousand others: a little curly haired boy splashing in the pool, crying at the sight of an A&W bear at abang's birthday, grinning your toothy grin, refusing to have me leave u on the first day of kindy, a kiss goodnite, a crayoned Mother's Day card... these moments i would string together and wear them like precious pearls every day of my life ♥ ♥ ♥

thoriq turns fifteen

happy birthday to my dearest thoriq, my first born child,
welcomed into this world fifteen years ago on a sunday morning at 9.25am on november 3, 1996.
the person who first showed me the miracle of this love a mother has for a child.
truly, there are really places in the heart i don't even know exist
until you came along and made my life whole...

just You

why can't i just love You
why shouldn't You be just enough for me
to live for
to die for
to sell my soul for
to give my heart to
to no longer grief for anyone
and to just be satisfied
and content
and happy
and glad
and gleeful
for just You?
shouldn't it just be You
that is in this heart
this soul
this self?
i should not be needing anyone else
but You.
can you please tell this heart
that it is just You.

i now know

life has shown me
that the world is not a place
but the vastness of a soul.
and my soul is nothing more than love
limitless, endless
that move me
toward believing what is true.
i once thought
that love was supposed to be nothing
but bliss...
i now know
it is also
sadness
and
grief.

from Rumi

You've no idea how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You.

Nothing seemed right.

What's the point of bringing gold to the gold mine,

or water to the Ocean.

Everything I came up with

was like taking spices to the Orient.

It's no good giving my heart and my soul because

you already have these.

So

I've brought you a mirror.

Look at yourself and

remember me.

- Jalaluddin Rumi -

Bruschetta/Crostini with strawberry and serrano pepper salsa

A different version of bruschetta and it is called crostini with strawberry and serrano pepper salsa. i got this recipe from treehugger and it's fabulous that i have to share the recipe here...

1 large carton of organic strawberries
2 large organic tomatoes
1 serrano pepper (more if you like it hot)
1/8 cup cilantro, chopped
1/8 cup basil, chopped
5 mint leaves, finely chopped
1 tablespoon of honey
1 teaspoon of sugar
1 tablespoon of lime juice
Splash of balsamic vinegar

1. Remove the stems from the strawberries and dice them.
2. Depending on how hot you like your salsa, half the serrano pepper and remove the seeds. I like mine hot so I leave them all in.
3. Using the same knife, make "C" cuts to the tomato. The key here is to cut off the flesh and to avoid the seed membrane.
4. Dice the tomato slices. The remaining tomato ball is perfect for soup stock!

5. In a large bowl, add the diced strawberries, diced tomatoes, cilantro, basil, serrano pepper, honey, sugar. Stir just enough to mix.  

You could very well serve this salsa up on tortilla chips but the recipe suggested some crostini with honey. But both work very well. Shall try tortilla chips another day.

6. Slice up a loaf of French bread so that the slices are about 1/8 inch thick.

7. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and place the pieces of bread so that they are spaced out evenly.

8. Warm a cup of honey up in a small sauce pan. The honey just has to be warm enough to easily baste the bread with. By the way, warm honey on french bread is just divine.
9. Bake the crostini for about 15 minutes at about 160 celcius or 325F. You want the bread to crisp ever so lightly.

10. Place the salsa on the crostini and serve.

Voila...

p/s btw i made do with normal tomatoes and strawberries and i can't find serrano pepper here, so i use local hot pepper instead. whatever works i guess, they still turn out yumms...

** All pics courtesy of treehugger

Prayer for the day

O Allah, You created me when I was not worthy of mention;

And You provided for me when I had nothing;

And I wronged my soul and sinned, and I confess my guilt.
If You forgive me, that will in no way diminish Your sovereignty;
And if You punish me, that will in no way augment Your authority.
You can find others to punish besides me,
But I can find no one to forgive me but You.
Truly, You are the most merciful of those who show mercy."

Completed day 4 of Ramadan. Alhamdulillah boys are doing well, Bak and Mak are in good health and basking in the joy of the holy month. And Adam is doing amazingly well, fasting through three days and is into his fourth. Again, I feel so blessed. Thank you Allah.

Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah it is already day two of Ramadan. I feel I have so much to thank Allah for, all the blessings that He has given me. But most of all, to recieve news from Adam this morning (his evening and first day of Ramadan) that he completed a full day of fasting, despite the long summer day (14 hours of daylight)  in New York with sunset at approximately 830pm, despite the hot and dry weather, despite his history of stomach ulcer, despite being alone without any muslim friends to give him support or fast with during Ramadan, despite being a new muslim... Adam did it and I am so proud of him. I actually thought he would not last past noon but I was so wrong. I had underestimated him and I am so proud that he has done this without having anyone to push or force him. He said he needed to do it, and I know in many ways that meant he is finding it in his heart insyaAllah to do this for Allah as much as for himself. Alhamdulillah Ya Allah. I actually teared up with happiness when Adam told me after I asked him, expecting a different answer. Ya Allah, I feel so blessed and I cannot thank You more.

Ramadan: the month of mercy and forgiveness

Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic lunar calendar. During this month Muslims are commanded to fast, meaning abstain from food, drink and other sensual pleasures. The Almighty says (2:183): O You who believe, fasting is decreed for you as it was decreed for those before you so that you may attain self-restraint. Fasting during Ramadan is one of the five pillars of Islam: Shahada (affirmation of faith), Salat (prayers), Zakat (almsgiving), Hajj (pilgrimage to Mecca) and Siyam (fasting).

The Arabic word ramadan is derived from the root ramida, meaning intensive scorching heat and dryness. So, we can metaphorically say that Ramadan scorches out or burns away sins with devotion to Allah through intensive worship and good deeds such as zakat, obligatory charity, and sadaqah, voluntary charity.

Fasting means not only abstaining from food, drink and sexual intercourse during the day but also restraining the tongue, the eye, the ear, the heart and mind from indulging in unlawful acts that render the fast worthless. Prophet Mohammad (PPBH) said: Many a man who fasts obtaining nothing from his fasting but his thirst, and many a man who prays during the night and obtains nothing from his prayers but wakefulness. (At-Tirmitzi Hadith, No. 1989). In contrast, the rewards of fasting are bountiful. The Prophet said: Whoever observes fast during the month of Ramadan out of sincere faith, and hoping to attain Allah's rewards, all his past sins will be forgiven. (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book of Fasting)

During the month of Ramadan, paradise doors are opened, hell doors are closed and satans are chained. So, by observing fasting, a devout Muslim is offered a golden opportunity to reap worldly and divine rewards through self-control, devotion to Allah and spiritual self-reflection. A Muslim can practice self-control over the body and its carnal desires through communal praying, doing good deeds, reading the Qur'an, exercising patience and moderation, sympathizing with the less fortunate, strengthening family ties and supplication to Allah. Although these practices should not be exclusively limited to the month of Ramadan, the rewards are doubled. They are religious and spiritual values that should be an integral part of one's life.

Among the landmarks of Ramadan are: revelation of the Qur'an, lailatu l-qadr (Night of Destiny/Power) and eid el-fitr (Feast of fast-breaking). It is believed that the first verses of the Qur'an were revealed to Prophet Mohammad through the Archangel Gabriel on one night particular night during Ramadan (lailatu l-qadr), which is considered in the Qur'an better than a thousand months. During this night, which is celebrated on the 27th night of Ramadan, angels descend to witness how people worship and obey Allah, to show their deep love for the believers and to increase their rewards. Muslims gather in mosques to observe or seek this blessed night in devotion, night Sunnah prayers (tahajjud), recitation of the Qur'an and supplications. The end of Ramadan is marked by eid el-fitr, which extends for three days, during which people wear holiday apparel, especially kids, attend a communal sunrise prayer, congratulate each other, visit cemeteries and offer gifts or money to kids.

Ramadan has plenty of medical, social and psychological benefits. First, it is believed that fasting helps lower blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar. In fact fasting is recommended for weight control and diet. Second, family and community bonds are generally strengthened during Ramadan. Families and friends exchange invitations to Iftar (breakfast) parties, prepare collective Iftar, make home visits and socialize. People gather in mosques to perform communal prayers (taraweeh). Furthermore, charity fosters social solidarity with the poor and with society at large. These social activities help Muslims sense the merits of the unity of Muslim Ummat (nation). Finally, Ramadan provides people with ample time for spiritual self-reflection, peace of mind, tranquility and renewal. Frequent reading of the Qur'an and praying brings people closer to Allah's mercy and forgiveness, which are the essential meanings of the holy month.

tarawih prayer in mecca

Ramadan is here again

Ramadan is the month, whose beginning is mercy, its middle, forgiveness and its end, emancipation from the fire of hell - the Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

Allah has preferred certain months over others, certain days over others and certain nights over others.

Allah has preferred the day of Jumu’ah amongst all the other days of the week. Even at the level of a single night. Allah prefers certain parts of it to others. For example, the performance of nawafil ibadah (supererogatory worship) in the last third of the night is more beloved to Allah than its performance in any other parts of the night.

In a similar vein, Allah has preferred the month of Ramadan over all other months. It is only the name of this month that is mentioned in the Qur’an. It is only in this month that mankind has been blessed with most of the favours of Allah. It is in this month that the Torah, Injil, Zabur and the Qur’an were all revealed. It is the only month in which Allah has gathered goodness, light and guidance that stretches from one part of the globe to the other.

Abu Hurayrah narrates that the Messenger of Allah said: “The month of Ramadan has come to you, a blessed month wherein Allah has made obligatory fasting, opened the doors of Paradise and closed the doors of Hell.” (Ahmad)


from RamadanBlog


Ramadan Mubarak everyone.
may we be blessed with mercy and forgiveness from Allah swt. may we medicate our soul this holy month of Ramadan. may we strive to be better muslims who seek closeness to Allah and follow in the Prophet's footsteps. may i find my way to Allah, seeking for His forgiveness for all the imperfections that i am and have been, for all the sins i have committed, and may He show me His mercy and bless me with His forgiveness and guide me and my family to the right path in becoming better and stronger muslims, insyaAllah.

nobody, son of nobody...

Suppose you can recite a thousand holy
verses from memory.
What are you going to do
with your ego self, the true
mark of the heretic?

Every time your head touches
the ground in prayers, remember,
this was to teach you to
put down that load of ego
which bars you from entering
the chamber of the Beloved.

To your mind feed understanding,
to your heart, tolerance and compassion.
The simpler your life, the more meaningful.
The less you desire of the world,
the more room you will have in it
to fill with the Beloved.

The best use of your tongue
is to repeat the Beloved's Name in devotion.
The best prayers are those in
the solitude of the night.
The shortest way to the Friend
is through selfless service and
generosity to His creatures.

Those with no sense of honor and dignity are best avoided.
Those who change colors constantly
are best forgotten.
The best way to be with those
bereft of the Beloved's qualities,
is to forget them in the
joy of silence in one's corner of solitude.


~ Shaikh Abu Saeed Abil Kheir

Pak Samad: I walked barefoot to the Istana

Saturday, July 16, 2011  Pak Samad: I walked barefoot to the Istana

Despite his age, 76-year-old national laureate A Samad Said was not spared the police crackdown on the Bersih 2.0 rally last Saturday.

“When I arrived at Istana Negara, there were two policemen who were bengis (fierce)… they told us to disperse or they would use force against us. “With the look on their faces, if they could, they would want to devour me,” said Samad..

In the third part of an exclusive interview withMalaysiakini on Thursday, the novelist and poet with his distinctive long white hair and beard, related his experience in trying to submit the Bersih 2.0 memorandum for free and fair elections to the Agong during the mass rally.

Samad was amongst the small group of protestors who had managed to march from KL Sentral - one of the flashpoints of the brutal crackdown due to the presence of top Bersih leaders there - to Stadium Merdeka and then to Istana Negara. Earlier that morning, rally organisers had assigned two lawyers to bring Samad to the Hilton Hotel at Sentral after he expressed desire to join the demonstration.

Once assembled there, the Bersih leaders held a press conference (right). The gathered started to move out of the hotel towards their goal, at which point Samad found himself sandwiched by riot police at the KL Sentral underpass along with several other Bersih and Pakatan leaders. “When tear gas was fired, we were trapped, like at Tung Shin (hospital)… we had no choice but to go through,” he said.

In the brutal police assault, several leaders were arrested, among them Bersih 2.0 chief Ambiga Sreenevasan, Bersih committee member Maria Chin Abdullah and PAS president Abdul Hadi Awang. Samad however evaded arrest and pressed on with other protestors, minus his chappals.

'I walked barefoot'

It was during the crackdown that Samad lost his footwear.

“I lost my chappals when I was hit by tear gas; it was chaotic. I ran to a wall to cover my nose and to find my water bottle and towel,” he said. “I had to walk barefoot. There were stones on the ground. The other demonstrators offered me their shoes; one even offered me a Nike. I thought it was a nice pair of shoes ... I could not take them.

“Later, I was given a big pair of shoes until I arrived at Midah Hotel, Kampung Attap and someone bought me a new pair of slippers,” he said (photo).


“Two or three (more) people wanted to go barefoot and offer me their shoes too. Indian youngsters wanted to give me their shoes; Chinese youngsters wanted to give me their shoes. I felt very proud. Never have I seen a group of young people of different races united by a common ambition,” added Samad. 
 

The final lap

With many Bersih leaders arrested and his two lawyers escorts missing, it was left to Samad to press on with the mission with the remaining protestors.


Two Bersih committee members tasked with handing Bersih's memo to the Agong later caught up with Samad.


“I was accompanied by spirited youngsters whom I had to calm down. Later two Bersih committee members accompanied me; they were the ones who brought the memo (to me) and helped control the situation. “When we arrived at Stadium Merdeka, there were already many people (there). After discussing with the police… I started to sense danger as there were police behind us with water cannons ready. “That was when I decided it was best for us to move on to Istana Negara,” he said.

Asked how he managed to reach within 200 metres of the Istana gates when many others could not even get close, Samad attributed it to divine intervention. “Many people asked me that question. It was with Allah's help,” he said.

Samad, who was not amongst the 91 served restriction orders - dismissed suggestions that the cops had given him special treatment.

“I was tear gassed too; I felt like I was going to die due to my age. I went prepared with water and salt but I could not use them. “There were people left and right gasping for air, asking if I had water. I gave them mine, and later other protestors gave me theirs,” he said. 

'Would march again'
Samad was eventually stopped from completing the mission with just about 20 protestors in tow, with the palace gates in sight. Negotiations with the police failed and the group was forced to abandon their task."It is not my fault but the police's," said the septuagenarian at a press conference after the rally.

"I have decided to write a letter to the Agong later, to inform him that the Agong's readiness to receive the petition was not properly handled by the police.

A week on, Samad remains resolved in his pursuit of democracy, saying that he would be prepared to march again. “If I am still alive, if the cause is good for improving and strengthening democracy, why not? I am prepared,” he said.

“A literature scholar's duty is to the past; we record events. But I think with the turbulent situation now, we can no longer record the atmosphere. We too, become a trigger to that atmosphere.”.
[Source: Mkini]

the blessings of nisfu syaaban

Tonight is the night of nisfu syaaban or mid-shaaban when records of your deeds for the year would be closed and a new book will be opened to record your deeds for the upcoming year. i grow up hearing people talk about this night but never actually understood what it is all about. i know the elders tend to fast on 15 syaaban but again, I never knew the significance behind this night and the day itself.  i have scoured over a number of materials on the internet looking for the "story" behind it and out of many, this one from nurscaredsciences.com touched the core of my heart with the beautiful sayings from the Prophet (PBUH) and it makes me see this night of mid-shaaban in a different light, this time from my heart, with actual understanding...

The night of mid-Shaaban is a night of immense spiritual benefit and there are many hadiths that have been transmitted regarding this night.  Ibn Maja relates on the authority of Aisha saying, "I did not find the Prophet (pbuh) one night, so I went out looking for him and he was in al-Baqi with his head raised to the sky. He said, 'O' Aisha, do you fear that God would be unjust with you or his Prophet?'" She said, "I said: 'No but I thought you may have gone to another one of your wives.' He said: 'On the Night of Mid-Shaban, God the Exalted descends to the heavens of the earth and forgives a number [of people] greater than the hairs of the sheep of the [tribe] of Kalb (known for their many sheep).

Al-Bayhaqi also relates on her authority saying, "The messenger of God stood [in prayer] and lengthened his prostration until I thought that he died. When I saw this, I got up to move his finger and it moved. And so iI went back. When he rose his head in prostration towards me and completed his prayers he said, ' O Aisha or O Humayra, did you believe that the Prophet was deceiving you? I said: 'By God, no. But I thought you died because of the length of your prostration. He said: 'Do you know what night this is?' I said: 'God and His Messenger know best.' He said: 'This is the night of Mid-Shaaban. God looks at His servants the noght of Mid-Shaaban, and He forgives those seeking forgiveness, has mercy on those seeking mercy, and leaves the bearers of grudges as they are.'"

She also related: "God the Exalted showers goodness in abundance during four nights: the nights of Adha and Fitr (i.e. the nights of the two Ids), the night of Mid-Shaʿbān in which deaths and provisions are determined as are the pilgrimages written, and the evening of Arafa until the call to prayer."

On the authority of Abi Thalaba al-Khushani (RA), the Prophet (pbuh) said: 'When it becomes the Night of Mid-Shaaban, God looks at His creation and forgives the believers, maintains the disbelievers (in their disbelief), and leaves the bearer of grudges in their enmity until they abandon their [resentment].'

In another hadith, the Prophet (pbuh) made the following supplication during his prostration in Mid-Shaaban. "Aisha (RA) said: 'The night of Mid-Shaaban was my night. And the Messenger of God was at my place...He then went into prostration and said. 'I seek refuge in Your good-pleasure from Your anger. And I seek refuge in Your forgiveness from Your punishment. And I seek refuge in You from You. I am incapable of Your praise. You are as You have praised Yourself.

BERSIH 2.0 - glad that i had gone

it was saturday, july 9, 2011. the day i had waited for, also anticipated by many malaysians. it was a day when supporters of Bersih (an NGO - The Coalition for Fair and Clean Elections) were to walk peacefully in support for a clean and fair elections. the first time it was held was back in november 2007 which saw thousands of ordinary malaysians take the streets for the same cause. back then, at least 50,000 people turned up and were greeted with tear gas and water cannons by the FRU. and this time we had anticipated the same thing, except much worse as the police were already going beserk a week prior to july 9, by making sweeping arrests on individuals associated to Bersih and even those found to be wearing or selling the yellow Bersih tshirts.

three days before D day, the police were already carrying out roadblocks at highways and roads leading into the city centre. our Prime Minister had pretty much suffered a memory loss (note the sarcasm), a selected one i must say, as he refused to decide on granting Bersih the Merdeka Stadium to rally in, instead of the streets as he had offered earlier in the week. he had then passed the buck to the police, call it having no balls on his part to take responsibility.  the police reacted by refusing a permit for the rally to be held and ignored the olive branch extended by those heading the rally, and instead started making indirect threats with statements such as "i cannot guarantee any loss of lives on the day."  the govt controlled mainstream media began parroting the leader by warning people from attending the rally and from wearing anything yellow. ridiculously, the IGP warned the public that they will be arrested if they are not only found to be wearing or selling the shirt, but also if they are wearing or seen to be promoting anything in the colour of yellow, be it a bag, shoes, even buses...how ridiculous can someone get?  the police and media went on a fear mongering mode, intimidating the public, while roadblocks were making life hell for commuters and those who had to drive in and out of KL for work and other matters.

during the heavy rain at one of the hotspot areas where
my brother was

by friday evening, traffic was a havoc and the media issued news that the bus stations and LRT stations would be shut down. i had earlier planned on leaving at 11am on saturday from my parents' place together with my older nieces. however saturday morning came and we were not even sure what we could do, afraid that we could not get into KL as it had pretty much been locked down.  not being sure of how to get access into KL, i was at my FB Bersih wall all morning, either helping to update on latest news or giving morale support to those going or already there, and  keeping abreast with the latest news and info. i decided to ask if there were LRT stations that were open and upon passing on the info to my brothers, i decided once and for all that i had to go. by hook or by crook, i had to be there to give my support to Bersih and show our corrupted govt that they cannot in any way intimidate us.

the massive crowd

by the time my nieces and i met, it was already almost 2pm and i was restless because i did not want to miss out on the action. we boarded the LRT at kelana jaya station (the last point in PJ) and had planned earlier what to say to the police if we get stopped (many got stopped and bags and cellphones checked just to ensure they were not going into KL for Bersih).  i didnt dare carry anything that could connect me to Bersih just incase i get stopped and blocked into entering KL. i wanted so much to take along my yellow shirt with me but i would rather get into KL wearing a different colour shirt than not to get in at all. so there we were, all four of us, without anything to prepare us for the worse of the rally, no towels to protect us from the tear gas, no salt to put into our mouth incase of water cannons, just faith and spirit accompanying us to look and join our Bersih comrades. 

the heavy handedness of the police- - note the
guy on the ground

we got down at Dang Wangi station and, lo and behold, we were there right on time to join a massive crowd walking and chanting opposite of the station. i was high in spirits just looking at and hearing them. we crossed the street and quickly got into the crowd. they were chanting "Hidup Bersih" (Long Live Bersih) and "Hidup Rakyat" (Long Live the People) and we joined in. the group made a u-turn as they received news to head for KLCC (where our famous landmark of the twin towers is) and we followed the leaders chanting all the way. everyone was in high spirits and i turned to see many of all ages and races. there were malays, indians and chinese and my thought went to some of my racist friends who were so sure that the non-malays would not turn up, and wished i could make them see what i was witnessing (regardless i think they are too racist to care). there was a malay man who might have sprained his ankle sitting at the roadside and was attended to by a chinese guy, people of different races and religion walking next to each other, making conversations, striking new friendships, and chanting the same words, such contrast of what the government and the racists in the country were trying to portray. i was a little worried about my brother who was caught in hot spots in KL where tear gas was released and he had in one or two occassions felt the sting, and had to run to escape, but went back to join the crowd, not in any way held back by any fear he was feeling.

our group at the intersection of KLCC

we walked pass the renaissance hotel, the saloma bistro, the tourist centre and it was all good. the leaders controlled traffic, asking us to make way and ensured everything done peacefully and in order. we passed by a row of police officers behind barriers and we waved at them, made peace signs and started chanting "Peace, peace, we want peace." some of them smiled back and just looked at us, not too sure if some actually did wave back. we got to the intersection of KLCC and the leader instructed us to sit but we kind of loitered around a bit, booing each time the helicopters hovered over us. and when the opposition leaders who are associated with Bersih turned up and stood on top of a car, we were asked to sit down.

it was such a massive crowd, i could hardly see the rest beyond. we cheered and chanted accordingly but being quite a distance from the speakers, and with no hailer, we could hardly make out what was said. by then, one of my nieces was feeling a little faint and we decided that it was time to head for the LRT and make our way out. it was after 4pm anyway and i was told that many other groups in other areas had begun to disperse if not done already. there were several people also who decided to leave and we walked towards the KLCC entrance and all of a sudden we heard the helicopter again followed by shouts of "lari, lari" (run, run). we knew then that the FRU were there and maybe some police were already behind us. as we ran, we found that the security at KLCC had barricaded all entrances and refused to allow us entry. we ran around and i had to think of a safe place to get my nieces to and was worried that my sick niece would not be able to run fast enough or might pass out. as my brains went into a "pressured thinking" mode, a stranger working with KLCC or Isetan, i cant actually quite remember pointed us the way to escape. we followed the lead with some others and ran around to find one entrance at Isetan retail store still open. we ran in and were greeted by shocked looks of the sales people. we quickly headed for the 'ladies' as i needed to have my niece sit and rest. not sure of what was going on outside but pretty much expecting the water cannons and tear gas to be unrolled full steam outside, we found out that we were locked in Isetan due to security reasons. hungry and tired from not having any lunch, and curious about what was going on outside, we waited and pretended to be shoppers though i think some of the sales people actually suspected us as "dissents" from the demonstration. after almost half hour, we were let out but found that the LRT station at KLCC had been closed down. after a quick bite, we headed outside not quite knowing what to expect.  the scene outside was of calm with many loitering around, and we knew just by the exchanges of looks between us, that we had all been involved in the earlier demonstration. there were no taxis in sight, neither were we expecting any because of the lock down of KLCC area. we had to walk to find an area where we hoped we could locate taxis or some form of transport to get us back to PJ. it was almost 6 by then and we were actually passing by groups of FRUs on horses complete with their riot gear, and groups of police officers in their uniform, and others whom we "know" were in the Bersih group with us. some were just sitting around, perhaps figuring out how to get out of the area, and some walking "aimlessly" like us heading in all sorts of directions.


my brother and the new multi-racial friends he made during the rally

when we were at ampang park, where many had gathered with some just looking at the FRU group across the street (trucks, horses and what nots), i found out that the LRT station there was open, alhamdulillah. there was a long queue to purchase the tickets but it moved fast enough. it was a relief to finally be on the LRT and along the way, more supporters boarded at different stations. we knew they were supporters as much as they had probably known the same about us. somehow after that long day of fighting for the same cause, and eventhough we were not clad in yellow, there was that same look that we shared. the look of satisfaction that we had defied the government's effort in trying to intimidate us, in trying to break us apart, in trying to incite hatred amongst us of different races and religion. instead of all that, it was a day when we united, when we turned up despite the threats and heavy roadblocks and lock down of KL, and what a multi-racial turnout it was.

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was reported to have said "When you see kemunkaran (evil), fight it with your hands (meaning, rise up in opposition). If you fear to fight it with your hands then fight it with your mouth (meaning, speak out against it). And if you still fear to fight it with your mouth then hate it in your heart. But those who only dare hate it in their heart is the sign of a very weak Muslim."

i am glad that i had gone.

fatima, prophecy of death, sadness & joy

Narrated ‘Aisha (raa): The Prophet (saw) called his daughter Fatima (raa) during his illness in which he died, and told her a secret whereupon she wept.

Then he called her again and told her a secret whereupon she laughed.

When I asked her about that, she replied, "The Prophet (saw) spoke to me in secret and informed me that he would die in the course of the illness during which he died, so I wept. He again spoke to me in secret and informed me that I would be the first of his family to follow him (after his death) and on that I laughed."


Companions of the Prophet – Sahih Bukhari: Volume 5, Book 57, Number 62

little things that make me swoon

today adam told me one of the sweetest things ever. it isn't a cliche but probably it is no biggie either but it made my heart soar and have me smiled all day long, even as i type this out now...

"i take care of myself better when u are around bcos i realise how precious life is when i look at u" - from New York with ♥

journey

"in the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity" 

my journey of difficulty has started, and all this in seeking that opportunity for a better future. i am referring to my journey in completing my master's.  finally started in may, and i would be lying if i say i am not nervous or anxious, having left studies a long, long time ago.  this is a new ballgame totally for me. studies this time is uncomparable to studying for my first degree where you go for classes, sit for exams and complete assignments. i have this time unlike many people, opted to do my master's in research mode. not many people like that, choosing instead to go for coursework, a simpler, much more relaxing mode of attending classes and doing all other tasks similar to when they were back doing their first degree. in this short two months i started, i realised what a challenge master's by research is. the strong discipline you need in getting your work going, the mess you can be in when you cannot find any literature that you need, the confusion you get into which is often, trust me, the pressure to start and producing work and i mean valid work that will show you are progressing.  after my first weekend of research skills seminar last weekend, i realised that this is a good learning process for me if i ever intend to pursue my PhD, as they are similar in the way things are done. they both need to be in research mode, a lot of researching and writing, a pressuring need to ensure you have exhausted all avenues when it comes to literature and past studies in order to be able to make a claim in your own study. i met a number of PhD students that two days, infact most of the students who attended the seminar were made up of PhD students and i was actually relieved that they too including the rest of the master students were more or less in a confused mode.  many are getting ready for their defend of proposal stage and i myself am targeting to have it done by august, insyaAllah.  but before i can even come to that, i have so much to do and read and write.  and since my area of research is so current - social media and malaysian politics, i am so worked up in ensuring i am updated about the current happenings in our political scene.  i have drawn up a very tight schedule for my research work and i realised i come off looking too ambitious which i mentioned to my supervisor the other day.  but he has been really supportive in saying that it is doable and achievable and that by all means, if i am able, to stick to what i have drawn up. i am pressured to meet my deadlines, i am stressed to a point, my work is at the top of my head most times, infact i woke up one morning panicking on lagging behind and feeling totally lost.  it is of no assurance that my supervisor and the other professors at the seminar stressing that we will go through many episodes of that from time to time. i am also looking out for my relationship with Allah, finding the medicine to my soul, realising fully well that He is totally all i need for seeing the light ahead of what is now a pretty dim tunnel.  but insyaAllah i have faith, and i must see myself through this, and i believe that what is a dim tunnel now will be brighter soon. i remember one of the professors at the seminar saying that master's by research or PhD is a selfish journey, a journey of me, myself and i, a journey that's likened to a bed of roses - smells and looks good but painful when u lie on the bed. but for us to persevere and the journey will be better eventually.

as for adam, Alhamdulillah he is doing well in his rotation. he has completed two of his cores - OBGYN and surgical, and is now on his third which is family practice with another 3 weeks to go i think.  he is up for 12 weeks of  internal medicine right after. he would have two more cores to complete - pediatric and psychology and in between he would probably sit for the first part of his exam.  he has been getting As in his papers, and i am really proud of him.  but the problem that is plaguing him constantly is financial which i wish i can help out with but unable to unfortunately.  aside from that, he met many muslim friends of various racial background when he was doing surgical. he ended up being closest to one whom i had pinned much hope on teaching adam with matters relating to practising Islam such as solat and reading and memorising the important surahs.  he had infact initially sent adam some materials on Islam and they spent some time on and off discussing Islam. unfortunately they are both doing different rotations now and there isn't much contact of late.  can't say that i am not disappointed but i am praying that their path will meet again soon or Allah will bring someone else who can help in guiding adam in being a better muslim.

funny but not in the laugh out loud sense that adam and i are both studying with the hope that the end result of this journey, with all the stress, distance, pain and heartache, will give us a good life together. we have lesser time with each other these days but so far, we have been staying pretty solid i would say, on matters pertaining to the future that we want together.  i know what i want right now but i am also very much aware that i can only plan things.  that what would actually happen ahead will all be in God's hands, and in Him, i place all my faith, doa and hope for the best.  

dance, even if u have nowhere to do it

"Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen."


— Kurt Vonnegut

what should i do?

Wahb bin Munabbih (RH) said:

A scholar once asked another greater than him in knowledge, “How much should I build?” He replied, “As much as shelters you from the sun and the rain.”
He asked, “How much food should I eat?” He replied, “More than what keeps you hungry and less than what makes you full.”
He asked, “How much should I wear?” He replied, “As the Messiah (Jesus) did.”
He asked, “How much should I laugh?” He replied, “As much as appears on your face but does not make audible your voice.”
He asked, “How much should I cry?” He replied, “Never tire from crying out of the fear of Allâh.”
He asked, “How much should I hide my deeds?” He replied, “Until people think you had not done a good deed.”
He asked, “How much should I make public my deeds?” He replied, “As much as will let the keen follow your example but not have the people talk about you.”

Wahb said. “Everything has two ends and a middle. If you grab one end, the other will slant, but if you take the middle, both ends will balance. Stick to the balanced middle in all affairs.”

Related by Abu Nu’aym.

Ya Allah, aku mencari Mu

Ya Allah
hampirkah aku dengan Mu

tatkala aku melabuhkan dahi ku sujud kepada Mu?
Ya Allah
dekatkah aku dengan Mu
pabila aku meletakkan dahi ku selama mungkin mengadu pada Mu?

Ya Allah

aku mencari Mu
setiap hari
dalam diri ku
hati ku
jiwa ku.

Ya Allah
aku mencari Mu
setiap masa
dalam tawa ku
duka ku
dan sedu sedan ku.

Bukankah telah Kau katakan
"Dan Kami lebih dekat kepadanya
dari urat lehernya"?
Namun mengapa aku berasa jauh dari Mu
sentiasa mencari jalan menghampiri Mu
menggapai dalam hala tuju ku kepada Mu?

Bukankah telah Kau katakan
"Andaikata dia mendekati Ku sejengkal
nescaya Aku akan mendekatinya sehasta"?
Namun mengapa aku masih mencari-cari Mu
berlari, jatuh dan bangun kembali
untuk cuba merasa kehadiran Mu
dalam diri ku
hati ku
nyawa ku
dan setiap nafas ku.

Ya Allah
ampunilah aku
di atas ketidaksempurnaan ku
dalam mengasihi Mu.

Kuala Lumpur, 21 Mei 2011

The farewell pilgrimage

When the sun had passed its zenith, the Prophet preached a sermon which he began, after praising God, with the words: "Hear me, O people, for I know not if I ever shall meet you in this place after this year."  Then he exhorted them to treat one another well and gave them many reminders of what was commanded and what was forbidden.

Finally he said: "I have left amongst you that which, if ye hold fast to it, shall preserve from you all error, a clear indication, the Book of God and the word of His Prophet.  O People, hear my words and understand." 

He then imparted to them a Revelation which he had just received and which completed the Koran, for it was the last passage to be revealed:  This day the disbelievers despair of prevailing against your religion, so fear them not, but fear Me!  This day I have perfected for you your religion and fulfilled My favour unto you, and it hath been My good pleasure to choose Islam for you as your religion.

He ended his brief sermon with  an earnest question:  "O people, have I faithfully delivered unto you my message?"  A powerful murmur of assent, "O God, yea!" arose from thousands of throats and the vibrant words Allahumma na'm rolled like thunder throughout the valley.  The Prophet raised his forefinger and said: "O God, bear witness!"

Prophet Muhammad's last sermon

Date delivered: 632 A.C., 9th day of Dhul al Hijjah, 10 A.H. in the 'Uranah valley of Mount Arafat.

After praising, and thanking God, he said: "O People, listen well to my words, for I do not know whether, after this year, I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore listen to what I am saying to you very carefully and TAKE THESE WORDS TO THOSE WHO COULD NOT BE PRESENT HERE TODAY.

O People, just as you regard this month, this day, this city as Sacred, so regard the life and property of every Muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Treat others justly so that no one would be unjust to you. Remember that you will indeed meet your LORD, and that HE will indeed reckon your deeds. God has forbidden you to take usury (riba), therefore all riba obligation shall henceforth be waived. Your capital , however, is yours to keep. You will neither inflict nor suffer inequity. God has judged that there shall be no riba and that all the riba due to `Abbas ibn `Abd al Muttalib shall henceforth be waived.

Every right arising out of homicide in pre-Islamic days is henceforth waived and the first such right that I waive is that arising from the murder of Rabi`ah ibn al Harith ibn `Abd al Muttalib.

O Men, the Unbelievers indulge in tampering with the calendar in order to make permissible that which God forbade, and to forbid that which God has made permissible. With God the months are twelve in number. Four of them are sacred, three of these are successive and one occurs singly between the months of Jumada and Sha`ban. Beware of the devil, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope that he will ever be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things.

O People, it is true that you have certain rights over your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under God's trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Treat your women well and be kind to them, for they are your partners and committed helpers. It is your right and they do not make friends with anyone of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste...

O People, listen to me in earnest, worship God (The One Creator of the Universe), perform your five daily prayers (Salah), fast during the month of Ramadan, and give your financial obligation (zakah) of your wealth. Perform Hajj if you can afford to.

All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves.

Remember, one day you will appear before God (The Creator) and you will answer for your deeds. So beware, do not stray from the path of righteousness after I am gone.

O People, NO PROPHET OR MESSENGER WILL COME AFTER ME AND NO NEW FAITH WILL BE BORN. Reason well, therefore, O People, and understand words which I convey to you. I am leaving you with the Book of God (the QUR'AN*) and my SUNNAH (the life style and the behavioral mode of the Prophet), if you follow them you will never go astray.

All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness O God, that I have conveyed your message to your people.


*The Qur'an: Revealed to Prophet Muhammad during the period from 610-632 AC. The first five verses revealed are: (1) Read in the name of your Lord, Who created. (2) Created man out of a clot that clings (in the womb). (3) Read and your Lord is the Most Bountiful. (4) Who taught by the pen. (5) Taught man that which he knew not.

a basket of fresh bread

The Prophet Muhammad said,

"There is no better companion
on this Way than what you do. Your actions will be
your best friend, or if you're cruel and selfish,
your actions will be a poisonous snake
that lives in your grave."

But tell me,
can you do the good work without a teacher?

Can you even know what it is without the presence
of a Master? Notice how the lowest livelihood
requires some instruction.

First comes knowledge,
then the doing of the job. And much later,
perhaps after you're dead, something grows
from what you've done.

Look for help and guidance
in whatever craft you're learning. Look for a generous
teacher, one who has absorbed the tradition he's in.

Look for pearls in oyster shells.
Learn technical skill from a craftsman.

Whenever you meet genuine spiritual teachers,
be gentle and polite and fair with them.
Ask them questions, and be eager
for answers. Never condescend.

If a master tanner wears an old, threadbare smock,
that doesn't diminish his mastery.

If a fine blacksmith works at the bellows
in a patched apron, it doesn't affect
how he bends the iron.

Strip away your pride,
and put on humble clothes.

If you want to learn theory,
talk with theoreticians. That way is oral.

When you learn a craft, practice it.
That learning comes through the hands.

If you want dervishood, spiritual poverty,
and emptiness, you must be friends with a sheikh.

The mystery of spiritual emptiness
may be living in a pilgrim's heart, and yet
the knowing of it may not be his.

Wait for the illuminating openness,
as though your chest were filling with Light,
as when God said,
Did we not expand you? (Qur'an, XCIV,1)

Don't look for it outside yourself.
You are the source of milk. Don't milk others!
There is a milk-fountain inside you.
Don't walk around with an empty bucket.

You have a channel into the Ocean, and yet
you ask for water from a little pool.
Beg for that love-expansion. Meditate only
on THAT. The Qur'an says,
And he is with you (VII,4)

There is a basket of fresh bread on your head,
and yet you go door to door asking for crusts.
Knock on your inner door. No other.

Sloshing kneedeep in fresh riverwater, yet
you keep wanting a drink from other people's waterbags.
Water is everywhere around you, but you only see
barriers that keep you from water.

The horse is beneath the rider's thighs, and still
he asks, Where is my horse?
"Right there, under you!"
Yes, this is a horse, but where's the horse?
"Can't you see!"
Yes, I can see, but whoever saw such a horse?

Mad with thirst, he can't drink from the stream
running so close by his face. He's like a pearl
on the deep bottom, wondering, inside his shell,
"Where's the Ocean?"
His mental questionings
form the barrier. His physical eyesight
bandages his knowing. Self-consciousness
plugs his ears.

Stay bewildered in God,
and only that.

Those of you who are scattered,
simplify your worrying lives. There is one
righteousness: Water the fruit trees,
and don't water the thorns. Be generous
to what nurtures the Spirit and God's luminous
reason-light. Don’t honor what causes
dysentery and knotted-up tumors.

Don't feed both sides of yourself equally.
The spirit and the body carry different loads
and require different attentions.

Too often
we put saddlebags on Jesus and let the donkey
run loose in the pasture.

Don't make the body do
what the spirit does best, and don't put a big load
on the spirit that the body could carry easily.


Jalaluddin Rumi (Mathnawi, V, 1051-1094)